I will agree with Fenrirwulf regarding my scoffing at him buying books and magazines about self-sufficiency in the beginning of our relationship. I could never imagine myself doing anything that far removed from the vast consumerism that is city life.
I was born in Jacksonville, NC and for the first 8 years of my life, my parents, my younger brother and I lived in the house next door to my paternal grandparents on their farm. I remember following my grandfather through the fields and helping him pick vegetables. I remember counting corn cobs into bushel baskets and helping him sell watermelons off the back of his truck (and also helping him count the money he had made). I also remember countless hours sitting across the counter from my grandmother watching her make cakes and pies (this is where my love of baking and cooking was born). These are all happy memories but this was only a small part of my childhood.
When I was 8, my dad was transferred to Raleigh with his job. He worked up the chain at his job until he became a manager when I was in High School. This job kept him away from the family for 16 hours a day Monday through Friday and sometimes he would even have to go in to work on Saturday and Sunday. Because of his job, he missed the only play I was ever in and almost every chorus concert I had during High School. I'm not blaming him for his choices, he did what he felt he had to do to provide his family with every opportunity they could possibly want and I appreciate that. But, I never thought the time he missed spending with us was worth the material benefits we gained.
Because of the sacrifices my dad made when I was younger, I have always had easy access to everything I wanted. This has continued into my adult life since both Fenrirwulf and I make respectable salaries. We have a house filled to nearly bursting with junk that we don't appreciate because we haven't had to work for any of it. I often look at the things we have and think back to my junior year in high school when my chorus class was taking a trip to New York. My parents did not want me to go but told me that if I worked at my part-time job and saved up all the money it would take to go (the trip itself cost $450) then I could go. But, they would not contribute one penny to this cause. I worked my heart out that year and saved the cost of the trip + $300 in spending money. I had more money in my wallet when I set out on that trip than any of my friends did (and I was the only one that worked for mine). I enjoyed spending every penny of that money and I appreciated what I bought with it because I had earned it fair and square. I want to feel that way again about everything I bring into my home.
Also because of growing up in this atmosphere, I decided that I would never let my career come before my family or before myself. I like material things as much as the next person but, it's just not worth losing precious moments with the people you love. Right now, I have a career in the field of Human Resources but in the past couple of years, it has not been fulfilling some basic need inside of me. The job I have is ok but it does not allow me to express myself or my creativity very often and I feel like I am being wasted. I've come to realize that if we had a homestead like we have talked about, I could make and sell things and run my own business which fulfills one of my ultimate goals in life.
I have a 56 mile commute one way to work. I have to drive or ride (since Fenrirwulf and I carpool as much as possible) through rush hour traffic twice a day. These drives are unsafe and they also take a huge chunk of time out of my day. I hardly have any time to keep the house the way I want it to be kept or to cook a healthy meal. So, instead, we tend to go out to restaurants every day and eat junk (or we buy pre-packaged foods from the grocery store that are filled with preservatives and chemicals that are probably adversely affecting our health). So our health is declining as our weight is increasing. I want to know where my food comes from and that it is wholesome and healthy.
I'm looking forward to a lifestyle that will offer me physical activity and hard work and the satisfaction that I've come by everything I own honestly. I think this will be a healthy change for us both mentally, emotionally and physically and I cannot wait to get out of the city!
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